GET A COLD
A man from the future describes the delight he has in the simple pleasure of...getting a cold.
The following is an excerpt from GET A COLD, which is from the full-length play THE END OF DEATH
which premiered in August 2007 at Swedenborg Hall, San Diego.
© Aug. 26, 2005 Janet S. Tiger all rights reserved
[email protected]
playsbyjanetstiger.com
858-274-9678
Set – simple, future
1 male or femail character, older
Note: The set is fairly simple, a modern chair, table, box of kleenex, small garbage pail. The actor comes onstage. He/she is very old, wearing a simple, toga-like outfit with wild hair and is exuberant.
The following is an excerpt from GET A COLD, which is from the full-length play THE END OF DEATH
which premiered in August 2007 at Swedenborg Hall, San Diego.
© Aug. 26, 2005 Janet S. Tiger all rights reserved
[email protected]
playsbyjanetstiger.com
858-274-9678
Set – simple, future
1 male or femail character, older
Note: The set is fairly simple, a modern chair, table, box of kleenex, small garbage pail. The actor comes onstage. He/she is very old, wearing a simple, toga-like outfit with wild hair and is exuberant.
Now, my friends, I have to tell you about my favorite part of this process. Those of you (he indicates the audience) who are not as old as I am will probably not remember what I’m going to tell you about. Those of you who lived before the dawn of our new technology might have experienced this many, many years ago.
Being my second birthday – that’s two million days for those of you who just came in – I wanted to fully know what it was like…to have a cold.
I can see some of you shaking your heads – who wants to have a cold. But I was born after colds and other illness had been eradicated – so I never had the joy. I can hear you laughing again, (mimics) ‘Why not use RT – revisiting technology – to go back and see what a cold was like?’ I suppose that’s one option, but let me ask those of you who lived during the electrical energy age – how often did you return to the pre-electrical age for fun? I’m not talking about blackouts, but turning off electricity for a week or two, just to remember what the 1800s felt like. (listens) Not many did.
But this is different – this is the end of my time in this plane of existence, so I want to go out not having missed one thing. So I set out to catch a cold. This is a funny expression in itself. There’s catch a fish, catch a train, catch a plane, catch a shooting star – all with wonderful connotations.
But to catch a cold – that’s like saying you want to catch a broken leg or catch …well, you understand. But then, I caught the cold. What happened was that I stopped all the morning wellness injections. Nothing happened for awhile, because I did it slowly. I’ve read that if you stop cold turkey you can die the next day because your immune system is so affected!
So I slowly eased off, and waited. And I was well for awhile – and then, it happened! (He sneezes very loudly) That’s how it starts you see – with one of those – they’re called (enunciates very clearly) a suh-neee-zuh! And they feel fantastic! What a sensation! You can feel it through your whole body! It’s almost like - yes, it’s like that!
Anyhow, the first sneeze is followed by….(he sneezes violently several times). Many more. They are not as much fun when you have to do it a lot. And your throat gets sore – very painful. And it feels like it’s swelling up. And then your head gets all stuffy (starts talking as if he has a cold) add you stad talking like dis….And your nose starts dripping…..(he gets the kleenex and starts blowing his nose)
These are the most amazing invention. I went into the archives and the first of these were cotton (shows a cloth handkerchief) Very unsanitary, but then , so were all those days. But these (he holds up the kleenex box) ingenious. See how they pop up all by themselves!
And then you get a fever. Now, from what I read, not all colds get a fever, but I was lucky enough to develop one. Now that is a sensation! First, you get very, very cold. Not like outer space cold, but from the inside out, it actually feels as if the inside of you, all your internal organs, bones, everything, is freezing.
These are called blankets (holds them up) They were used before radiant heat panels, so I decided to try them for authenticity. They don’t get you warm at all! You shiver and shake with the cold, even when you have five of them on you!
But then, the shaking stops and you start to boil! The sweat drips off your face and you stay under the covers because if you put on a cool breeze you feel worse! It is an astonishing range of concurrent sensations! I highly recommend it!
Being my second birthday – that’s two million days for those of you who just came in – I wanted to fully know what it was like…to have a cold.
I can see some of you shaking your heads – who wants to have a cold. But I was born after colds and other illness had been eradicated – so I never had the joy. I can hear you laughing again, (mimics) ‘Why not use RT – revisiting technology – to go back and see what a cold was like?’ I suppose that’s one option, but let me ask those of you who lived during the electrical energy age – how often did you return to the pre-electrical age for fun? I’m not talking about blackouts, but turning off electricity for a week or two, just to remember what the 1800s felt like. (listens) Not many did.
But this is different – this is the end of my time in this plane of existence, so I want to go out not having missed one thing. So I set out to catch a cold. This is a funny expression in itself. There’s catch a fish, catch a train, catch a plane, catch a shooting star – all with wonderful connotations.
But to catch a cold – that’s like saying you want to catch a broken leg or catch …well, you understand. But then, I caught the cold. What happened was that I stopped all the morning wellness injections. Nothing happened for awhile, because I did it slowly. I’ve read that if you stop cold turkey you can die the next day because your immune system is so affected!
So I slowly eased off, and waited. And I was well for awhile – and then, it happened! (He sneezes very loudly) That’s how it starts you see – with one of those – they’re called (enunciates very clearly) a suh-neee-zuh! And they feel fantastic! What a sensation! You can feel it through your whole body! It’s almost like - yes, it’s like that!
Anyhow, the first sneeze is followed by….(he sneezes violently several times). Many more. They are not as much fun when you have to do it a lot. And your throat gets sore – very painful. And it feels like it’s swelling up. And then your head gets all stuffy (starts talking as if he has a cold) add you stad talking like dis….And your nose starts dripping…..(he gets the kleenex and starts blowing his nose)
These are the most amazing invention. I went into the archives and the first of these were cotton (shows a cloth handkerchief) Very unsanitary, but then , so were all those days. But these (he holds up the kleenex box) ingenious. See how they pop up all by themselves!
And then you get a fever. Now, from what I read, not all colds get a fever, but I was lucky enough to develop one. Now that is a sensation! First, you get very, very cold. Not like outer space cold, but from the inside out, it actually feels as if the inside of you, all your internal organs, bones, everything, is freezing.
These are called blankets (holds them up) They were used before radiant heat panels, so I decided to try them for authenticity. They don’t get you warm at all! You shiver and shake with the cold, even when you have five of them on you!
But then, the shaking stops and you start to boil! The sweat drips off your face and you stay under the covers because if you put on a cool breeze you feel worse! It is an astonishing range of concurrent sensations! I highly recommend it!
This monologue is a crowd pleaser, and can be used for auditions or showcases.
Running time – 8 minutes $5.00/script
Running time – 8 minutes $5.00/script